Questions: steps to continuous conversion

There are so many experiences in one week that strengthen my testimony of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that even when I do not want to believe, I end up with the sweetest witness. Sometimes I ask myself why am I so much like Laman and Lemuel? why do I ask the Lord over and over again for proof that he loves me when I am not even willing to do the same? why is it so hard for me to trust in the same man who came down, lowered himself in the depths of it all just to rescue such an ungrateful soul as mine? So many questions I ask myself as I try to find strength again to live the gospel of Jesus Christ as it was meant to be lived: simply. I need to remind myself constantly of his atonement sacrifice; the greatest proof of God's love for each and everyone of us on this earth. Why do I make discipleship so hard? Could it be because I focus so much on me: the natural man? Why do I thirst so much after sin and not righteousness? I needed answers, I needed comfort so I turned to the Book of Mormon to one of the scriptures we often ignore when we ask people to pray about the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I turned to Moroni 10 verse 3. It reads: ''Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.'' I found it quite interesting that we are asked to remember how merciful the Lord has been and is unto us. I am always quick to forget that when I am faced with trials but now I will change that. I will no longer bribe or reproach the Lord. No matter what my life circumstances are, I will always remember that Heavenly Father will never stop loving me. In the end, all the incentives I need to keep the commandments are his love for me and my love for him.

Are your desires God's will?

    In Doctrine and Covenants 82:10 we read " I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." That scripture has always been one of my favorite scriptures but I did not get to truly savor it until this week when I set a goal to attend the temple weekly. Since I have started my first semester, I have been making excuses not to go to the house of the Lord. Note that I used the word excuses because being in Provo with temples so close to me, there really are no reasons why I should not be at the temple often. So, since I know that the temple is literally the house of the Lord where I could feel his peace, love and spirit, I set a goal to go there weekly. At first, I thought that the goal was too demanding so I tried to change it to once every two weeks. However, as I prayed, this overwhelming feeling came to me and reassured me that it was possible to attend the temple weekly. So, obeying the spirit of truth, I prayed and asked the Lord to help me to have a desire to go to his house no matter what.    Two days later, one of my friends confessed to me that she also wanted to go to the temple and asked me to be her temple buddy every week. As the words came out of her mouth, I smiled and accepted her offer. It could not have been a coincidence. The Lord gave me a temple buddy so I could be motivated and accountable to someone else. I know that the Lord rejoice in our righteous desires. The Lord does not grant me a lot of the worldly things that I wish for, because no matter how much I want them, he knows what is best for me. However, whenever I asked him to help me with my spiritual growth, he moves mountains for those things to happen. I know that the Lord at this particular time wants me to focus on going to his house. He makes everything work out so I could do so... The Lord loves me and will give me anything that I want, as long as it is righteous. I know that as I pray with faith to better my spiritual life, His will will become my will until I return to live with him again.

Failure is not fatal
Coming home from my mission has been a very difficult transition for me. When i had 6 weeks left on my mission, the church had asked that all of the missionaries going home within those six weeks to complete a program called " My Plan." In that program, I listed step by step my plans and goals so I could continue to be a missionary when I got home.  I was so exited to complete that plan that I never considered the possibility of failing everything that I had promised to do. When I got home from my mission, I followed my plan of reading the scriptures often, praying, going to the temple, and going to church for a while until I got to college. When I started my first semester back, I barely had anytime to do the small things that the Lord had commanded me. So since the new year came around, I decided to start over. I made a resolution to start reading my Book of Mormon Daily, pray often, and regularly attend the temple. I did not really know how all this was going to be possible but as I conversed with the Lord, I asked him to help me to obey his commandments. As I was reading 1 Nephi 2, verses 19-20, I realized that the reason why it was so hard for me to do the simple things was because I did not understand the why behind it. I realized right then and there that the only reasons I needed to keep the commandments are God's love for me, and my love for him. I know that the Lord loves me and I wanted to show to him that I love him to. So, to do that i need to show him that I was going to put his commandments in first place. This week, i have been reading my scriptures first thing in the morning, making an effort to communicate with him more often during the day, and set a weekly goal to go the his house. I know that the Lord loves me and care for me. He is there to help me to come closer to him when I have the desire to do so. I am grateful for the Book of Mormon who nourishes my soul and help me to recognize what I need to change in order to be a better individual.